What Is The Value Of Turmoil In Life?
Think about the last time you faced some turmoil in your life.
How did you navigate through it?
Was the outcome what you desired?
I am pretty sure most of us can relate to being in a situation we wish we did not have to be in and wondering why we needed to be there.
Frank has a big heart and is always helping others.
Part of that is expected in his eldercare job, this helping of others, but really he would help you even if it were not his job.
DJ also has a big heart and is always helping others.
Seeing as he works with Fred, the same expectations apply, and really the same realities apply.
Frank and DJ make a friendly, conscientious team.
When it comes to who likes doing which parts of the job best, you quickly learn that their preferences complement one another: Frank transports the patients, DJ resets the rooms, DJ inputs the notes, Frank prepares the meals.
They are well-liked by staff and patients alike and have an amiable, productive, efficient system going on.
Until the day when they do not.
On this fateful day, DJ shows up late to work.
He moves through the halls at super-sonic speed.
He goes one way, then the other, then back the first way.
The transport equipment he usually so gracefully maneuvers seems to be maneuvering him as he bumps into walls and furniture with abandon.
The patients look at him askance and retreat into their rooms.
He seems to be hyper-focused and confused at the same time.
His struggle is real.
Frank looks on in complete perplexity.
This is not the DJ he has shared so many hours with on the job.
It is clear that something is up.
He approaches DJ and feels the situation out.
Whatever it is, it is not good. It is clear that DJ is under some kind of influence.
And that leaves Frank in a position he never imagined to be put in: look out for his colleague and friend, or look out for his patients.
It is a no-brainer for him.
He needs to keep the patients safe.
DJ cannot be trusted to properly care for these folks when he cannot even care for himself at the moment.
Frank also knows that protocol requires him to report this incident. That could mean any of a handful of next-steps be taken with DJ, some of which are very serious.
Frank feels guilty for reporting DJ: for what may happen down the line to DJ; for where this may take their friendship.
He is worried for DJ; for his current state of mind, for what caused DJ to do this to himself, for what DJ will choose next for himself.
He feels dismayed and betrayed and forlorn.
His struggle is real.
This day impacts Frank immensely.
He is thrust into a crash-course of self-discovery: reflecting, navigating, examining, claiming.
Reflecting on beliefs
Even before he really has time to think about things, questions regarding his beliefs begin niggling in the back of his mind, biding their time for when he has a moment to address them.
Did he do what was best for everyone involved? How does he feel about a friend who is under the influence? What expectations does he have of his friends? How about his colleagues? Are they reasonable? Did he just choose his job over a friendship? Either way, does his choice make him a bad person?
These are just a few of the thoughts he needs to process.
He asks himself how he really feels about these things? Do these beliefs serve him well? At this point in his life, would it serve him better to tweak his beliefs? Or does he even really believe those beliefs all that much anymore? Has something else replaced them?
The more he processes his thoughts the more aware he is of his reasons that support his beliefs, and the more articulately he is able to live them.
As many of us do when faced with an unexpected situation, Frank experiences a surge of emotions which pour over and throughout him: guilt, worry, betrayal, loss, protectiveness, duty, confusion, anger, denial, resignation, hope…and so many more emotions.
How does one navigate through all of these without becoming stuck in resentment or depression for even having to navigate them?
Well, as uncomfortable as it may be, sometimes the best way is to feel them.
Honor those feelings (and yourself) by allowing them to flow through you. Sit with them for however long you need to, then let them go and move on to the next emotions. It is only by acknowledging each emotion, no matter if it is one you desire or not, that you are able to fully experience the gift of each.
Frank bombards himself with ‘what-ifs’, ‘hows’ and ‘whys’, questioning friendship and work relationships.
He thought he knew DJ. He thought they could rely on one another and trust one another.
How will this change the relationship between him and DJ now? How strong was their friendship anyways? What if DJ had just not shown up to work at all that day? Why had he not covered for DJ? What if DJ or others think he is, for lack of another phrase, a ‘tattle-tale’? How has his relationship with the patients been impacted? How will DJ’s relationship with them be impacted? What if DJ acts like nothing happened? How will that shift things?
Frank takes a good, long look at his relationship with DJ. In spite of the craziness of that day, any way he looks at it he only wants the best for his friend. If DJ can be healthy and happy, Frank will rest easy.
Seeing DJ like he was and reporting him was very painful for Frank, but he knows that in the long run it may be just what DJ needed and enable him to find help.
Frank also realizes that he may need to make some other choices in the future regarding his friendship with DJ. He knows he will always wish the best for him, but he also knows he has a choice in supporting, accepting, and condoning DJ’s actions.
As Frank traverses this foreign territory, a journey he wishes he had not had to take, he learns much about himself.
Through his reflecting, navigating and examining, he has pieced together a clear image of who he truly is and what he stands for. Had he not been thrust into this situation, had he not worked with and been friends with DJ, he would not have taken the time to delve into his own heart, mind, and soul.
“How interesting”, he thinks, “The turmoil of one leads to the clarity of another.”
Frank has a new understanding of what makes himself tick, and he embraces that knowledge and welcomes the confidence and strength it brings into his life.
Frank has yet to meet up with DJ again. The situation is still being processed through the work protocol.
As challenging as the situation was/is, the good thing for Frank is that he is now so much more consciously aware of who he is.
He also knows he is able to navigate challenging situations with assurance.
Do you have a DJ in your life?
You may find yourself in a similar situation at some point in your life, being faced with a decision that may affect a relationship with family, friends, or coworkers.
Think about how Frank has coped with his situation. You may be able to apply some of his processes in your time of challenge.
If you would like to explore these processes more in-depth, or explore additional ones, let us know. We are a click away and happy to support you. you can find us at Consciously Awesome.
If the sun is shining, my Crosstrek is calling me to fill up her tank, throw open her sunroof, and head for the back-roads. With wind in my hair, I smile at everyone I see. Grace smiles back at me (even through the trees).