Free Yourself From Difficult Relationships With This One Trick


Do you ever feel exhausted from supporting others?


I used to feel that way.


I didn’t understand how helping others - an action that seemed so natural and beneficial for a healthy relationship - could be so counterproductive.


Why would I not help if I could?

How could more help be less beneficial?


I learned that my perspective was flawed.


Once I realized this, I began working on a different approach. When I learned how to support others in a healthier way:

  • New levels of connection opened up
  • Deeper relationships developed
  • Energy for social presence and engagement was more abundant
  • The bigger pictures were clarified
  • Self-confidence was enhanced

Can you shift your relationships too?


As people who want the best for ourselves and others, we often strive to fix situations or make the path easier for those whom we love or are responsible.


We feel that the greatest thing we have to offer them is our time, energy, and experience.


As a family member and friend I yearned for each to achieve their dreams.

As a partner I aimed for a vibrant, fulfilling relationship.

As a teacher I strived for my students to be successful.

As a colleague I hoped for our organization to be strong.


What all this meant was that, when I saw one struggling, I wanted to help them through their struggle.


But…it sometimes felt like I was the one doing the heavy lifting while they reaped the benefits.


It was exhausting for me rather than invigorating.


Once you learn how to navigate relationships from a different perspective, you can inspire transformation in lives all around you.


Want to learn how?


One day during a meditation with Sheila Applegate, she spoke these words:


“The light continues down and lands on your shoulders, releasing from you now all the burdens you have taken from other people. You took them in love and now you remember, they are not yours to hold. Release them into the light.”



Those words hit home!


My shoulders immediately felt lighter.


Yes, I did take them in love.

I didn’t even consider them burdens, at least at first.

I only wanted to help ease the way for those I cared about.


But then, in that moment, I remembered:

They are not mine to hold.


Those words allowed me to give myself the freedom to release what I had been carrying for others.


Those words changed my perspective.


I realized it is more helpful to support others along their way than to orchestrate their movements for them.

More helpful, and more healthful, to all concerned.


I have my own ‘burdens’.

How I work through them, grow from them, and amaze myself has added vibrancy to my daily life.


In releasing others’ ‘burdens’ from my shoulders, they are allowed the same opportunity for growth, vibrancy, and empowerment.

They have the freedom to make choices that align with their self.

They learn to trust that they can successfully stand on their own two feet, not only in the present moment, but far into their future.


I do not need to own their breakthroughs more than they do.

I do not need to put more energy into the situation than they do.


What I do now is:

  • walk alongside them
  • listen and be present
  • equip them with tools and strategies
  • offer guidance if asked
  • cheer, support, and celebrate them

Together we each claim our personal voice and power.


When I was holding others’ burdens I didn’t think I was depriving anyone of opportunities to grow.

I didn’t think that I was limiting my relationship with them.


But once I heard those words I realized it was actually a little selfish of me to doubt others’ abilities.


So I changed my perspective - I let go.


There were some bumpy moments of adjustment on both sides; it was sometimes difficult to step back.


But seeing the glow of accomplishment and self-worth in their eyes wipes away any doubts I have had.

Bonds have strengthened by trusting in each other.

Relationships are thriving.

I have way more energy to share with family, friends, partners, students, colleagues, and myself.


Allow yourself the freedom to release what you carry for others.

As Bob Proctor says, “Change your perspective, Change your life!”

Your ripples change others’ lives too.


For richer relationships, sometimes less is more.

If the sun is shining, my Crosstrek is calling me to fill up her tank, throw open her sunroof, and head for the back-roads. With wind in my hair, I smile at everyone I see. Grace smiles back at me (even through the trees).