Here’s What Happened When I Deconstructed Thanksgiving
By Tracey Wright
What the heck is a Deconstructed Thanksgiving you might wonder?
Take the last definition (see below) from Webster’s: to adapt or separate the elements of for use in an iconic or radically new way. That’s what I did this year.
I striped away nearly all the work around the food and shifted the focus on my family. This created a single day that I was fully present in every moment of the day. Where we relished each other’s company without any other distractions.
What about traditions you may ask?
Traditions are certainly important, I would agree. Yet, as our lifestyles change, so should our traditions.
I’m sure you can relate to some of these traditions …
I remember spending hours at the stove when I was a child stirring the gravy so it was liquid smooth, sitting on the yellow step stool chair. That was my job at Thanksgiving and at Christmas. It seemed like hours but was more likely just 30 min or so! My parents had been up since before dawn making the stuffing, my father’s specialty, and the stuffed turkey was in the oven as the sun was rising. My mother was making pies from scratch, her specialty, along with all the side dishes. And my father was the Dish Fairy all day long.
Yes, it was fun and I have fond memories of that time. During my childhood, we were living remotely in Luxembourg where Thanksgiving was not a national holiday. There were no Black Friday Specials, nothing was closed, and I was pulled out of school for the day. For a few years, we did have the luxury of enjoying it with another American family.
Times have changed
My lifestyle is very different from my childhood. I am a single parent of a teen, both of my parents have passed, and even though I have some family, the closest are about 1 day’s drive away. Even my childhood friend from Luxembourg is about 1 day’s drive away.
This year presented itself with the unique opportunity to start some new traditions that I had been secretly wishing for. And so … we had our first Deconstructed Thanksgiving. By making chili in the crockpot, I was freed me up to enjoy time with my daughter and our pets.
We started the day by playing with dogs outside, much to their delight :D. My daughter stayed in her jammies until late in the afternoon. I taught her how to play cribbage, a game taught to me by mother’s aunt and uncle. We went to the movies in the afternoon. Dinner was ready when we came back home (love those crockpots), and the new cornbread recipe my daughter helped me make turned out awesome. The dinner was topped off by some special treats for desert that my daughter had found. We walked the dogs together and finished the day by playing more cribbage; this time she beat me!
A Deconstructed Thanksgiving
By stripping many of our old traditions, or deconstructing them, I was left with what Thanksgiving is really about for us: being thankful and enjoying my daughter and our pets, without any restrictions or confinements.
I didn’t feel pulled to check on the turkey, the mashed potatoes, the pie. I wasn’t reminding my daughter to tidy up or to change as company was coming over or to hurry up as we needed to leave shortly.
I was able to be in the moment for every moment of the day. And I was thankful for every moment of the day too. That is true essence of Thanksgiving for us. And that is what I want to pass along to my daughter. By the way, I do still have that yellow stepstool chair in my kitchen; now it’s often pulled up the counter to enjoy a quick snack with.
New traditions evolve
I look forward to maintaining this new tradition for us, it really worked for us this year. As our lifestyles and beliefs naturally evolve, so should our traditions.
What family traditions have changed for you?
Are there any traditions that you would like to evolve?
Do you need help re-imageneering some family traditions? Leave your comments below and we’d be happy to offer some assistance.
Deconstruct – Merriam-Webster definition
1: to examine (something, such as a work of literature) using the methods of deconstruction
2: to take apart or examine (something) in order to reveal the basis or composition often with the intention of exposing biases, flaws, or inconsistencies
3: to adapt or separate the elements of for use in an ironic or radically new way
Tracy Wright: Shedding the shyness of my youth, I cheer exuberantly for my daughter, her teammates, and even the opposing Field Hockey team! Their pride & heart filled smiles beam in appreciation regardless of the final score.
How wonderful that you are creating ‘traditions’ that align with your heart and lifestyle! That is truly a gift to pass on, not only to your daughter, but to friends also, maybe giving them the motivation to create their own traditions too. My own traditions have evolved over time, and continue to do so each year, and for me that is part of the ‘wonder’ of the season. =)
I am so glad to hear that your traditions are continuing to evolve Mariesa. I really think that is the key to, as you say maintain “the ‘wonder’ of the season”. How fun and delightful for you Mariesa!
Awesome article Tracey.Happy Deconstructed Thanksgiving. I look forward to your Christmas post. Traditions that align with your heart and lifestyle are just if not more priceless than the standard version of what you should do when the holidays are here..
Thank you Angela! Interestingly, we have been developed some new Christmas traditions that work really well for us. They embrace those family members that have passed and are done in such a way that my daughter can easily recount stories of her childhood to her children when that time comes. Hadn’t thought about it that way until you mentioned a Christmas post – so thank you!
Hey, if it works for you then go for it.
Here’s how it works in my family: over the course of several years, my sister and I have developed a partnership in which we share some of the purchasing, cooking and expense. She has told me that it works better for her this way, and I enjoy it too.
A relatively new tradition we have incorporated into our Thanksgiving is singing. We all bring the same songbook, and whoever wants to will say “Let’s sing this one..” and we all join in.
And now, one that I hope will become more regular is story telling. This year, as we were all sitting around, I told a story from my childhood, and everyone seemed to enjoy it, in fact afterwards, a nephew of mine told me: “I remember that story from my childhood too. I hadn’t even thought about that story for 40 years.”
But I’m not going to push it. If the opportunity comes up, I will draw another story from my repetoir repetior repitoir repitior -dang- inventory and just go ahead and tell it. Maybe there will come a point where it is expected, or maybe others will join in too.
Those are some beautiful traditions that you and your family are expanding into Andrew. I hear echos of many of our ancestors and the ways they celebrated major life events: the gathering of all generations, the sharing of all aspects of the feast, the singing, and the storytelling. I especially like the storytelling 🙂 Thank you for sharing Andrew!